Monday, July 12, 2010
All through the worst of his illness he kept telling me that God still had more for him to do, but when his health kept going down hill and his temperature kept soaring higher, I wondered if the promise was just wishful thinking on his part.
That day, a week and a half ago, when I woke before dawn and saw Bruce with his mouth hanging open, his arms dangling at his sides, and no visible movement in his chest, I tried reminding myself that God wasn't finished with him yet, but it didn't stop me from thinking he had died in the night. It took me at least fifteen minutes of wondering before I reached out and touched his still warm hand, and saw him open his eyes.
It's easier to believe now that he is resting peacefully in his hospital bed with doctors and nurses watching over him, telling us that they have discovered the problem and are doing their best to help him fight the infection.
I wonder, did I doubt that the Lord was watching over him, that He knew exactly what was wrong, that He had Bruce's total treatment in His own capable hands? He knew exactly when my sister-in-law would need to phone and urge me to call an ambulance; He knew what specialist was needed to find the problem, and when each test should be done.
I think I did believe all of this. I know God is sovereign. He does whatever is best. If it was not Bruce's time to go, nothing could take him from me. I just didn't know for sure that it was God's will for him to stay on this earth a little while longer.
I guess the one I doubted was my husband. He had said God told him he would live, but I kept on thinking "what if?". There are so very many reasons why I should trust my husband's word, and I find I am ashamed of myself.
If the Lord said that man was to be head of the wife as Christ is head of the church, I think that must mean that I am to trust my Godly husband just as I trust Christ.
Tonight I need to read over some of my past blogs and remind myself that God can speak through and to my husband, starting at The Decision and then Groaning that called God on the Scene , Can We Please Leave Now, Lord and Vern and Bruce
I have had numerous experiences that have proven that I can trust the Lord to speak to my husband. I will continue to write these down, partly because I need the reminders as much as anybody.
Bruce is still not well, but I am happy to say he is definitely improving. Thanks for all your prayers!