Monday, August 09, 2010
"Yes, Lord, you know that I do"
I had had this conversation with the Lord before and thought the answer was settled. I had been talking to Him about our wayward children, assuring Him that I had given them into His hands because He knew best. What ever He needed to do was OK with me. Or so I convinced myself until He asked, "What if I have to withdraw my hand and allow something to happen mentally? Would you still trust me then?"
I stiffened. There was nothing I could think of that was any worse than mental illness. Anything but that! It was something I had always feared - a childhood "what if" horror I had never quite conquered. And now the Lord was asking that I release that fear.
But how could I say "yes"? How could I say "anything Lord" knowing that it could mean mental illness? Was there anything worse than mental illness? Yes! Hell was worse! A billion times worse! I would accept anything necessary to keep my children out of Hell.
"Yes, Lord, I trust you." I said it, and I meant it. But then I forgot about it for a couple of years while we moved to Paisley, and my husband started pastoring.
Samantha had left her job in Paisley and was staying with friends in Sarnia while taking a Computer course there. She was whizzing through her studies. We were proud of her.
And then we got the call from the police officer. "We have admitted your daughter to the hospital," he said.
I was stunned. But I was in for an even greater shock. "We picked her up at the radio station. She was insisting that Snoopy had told her to meet her at the radio station. She was carrying a teddy bear, and she was dressed weird. The radio station couldn't get rid of her so they called me."
I couldn't fathom it. Our brilliant daughter acting strange? What was he saying? It took actually seeing her in the hospital, for the truth to sink in. The Officer was right. Samantha was not in her right mind. She sometimes sounded sane, but then in the next sentence we would know that something was terribly wrong.
The Lord had taken me at my word. He had allowed this. And I knew that it would all work out. But oh, how hard it was. It was one of the worst trials we have ever had to face. But God was with us and we grew.
I cannot finish this story in one post. God did prove faithful, as you will see, but it is just to long for one post so I will have to continue on in the next.
For more about Samantha see: Broken Mom - Part 2
To watch her sing one of her own songs see: At a Loss for Words The words hold extra meaning when you know her story.
For the previous post see: Recommendation from an Agnostic
For the next post see: Mental Illness Part 2