Thursday, September 16, 2010

Difficult News

"I don't think I'm going to live," Bruce whispered to me yesterday. "I think this is my time to go." I wanted to argue with him.  I wanted to say,"you said God would raise you up." I had already gone over in my mind the possibility of him dying, and although  we had both agreed that whatever happened, it would be OK, I had subconsciously counted on his stubborn will to live, and his continuing insistence that he still had work to do.

Yesterday, that changed. They hadn't been able to do the dialysis the day before because of a bad line and had just put in a new line that morning.  They were just starting the dialysis, but his creatinins in the blood stream were very high, his platelets were quite low, and the fluid build up was bad.  He was tired of the fight and he was saying his good byes.

I told him it was OK, and that I wouldn't hold him back if that's what he really wanted, but I asked him to let God do the deciding.  He agreed that he only wanted God's will but said he couldn't fight any more.  I told him to let God do the fighting for him and he agreed.
He said over and over how much he loved Jesus.
I don't know if he was just tired and felt like giving up, if his brain was just confused, or if he really knew that it is his time to go.  I am hoping for either of the first two options, because either of those can change.  I have experienced enough alone time with him in the hospital that I know I am not ready to say good bye just yet, but I know from experience that God always give us the strength we need in time for whatever he allows us to go through, and I am resting in that.

I wrote this last night and today I got some hard news.  They tell me now that his brain will not likely completely recover.

But we know that the doctors don't have the last word.  Today he is willing to fight it. We know that God's people all over the world are praying. We also know that all things work together for good to them that love the Lord, and we do love Him.

For the next post, see: In Everything Give Thanks

For the previous blog see God can use even our Weak Moments

4 comments:

  1. Carol, I am holding you both up in prayer!! Hugs

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  2. Carol, I'm so sorry you are both suffering. May God hold you both close and whisper words of love in your ear. May He comfort you and protect your tender hearts. In Jesus' name. Amen.

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  3. Our faith looks up to thee, Dear Lamb of Calvary. Sis. Flett, I know the anchor holds through these storms of life. We love you all.
    Our love and prayers are with you all. I will never forget the day in Ann Arbor, MI after Bro. Bruce preached...he walked down from the pulpit and came to me telling me the Lord showed him my family would be delivered from this cult they had been caught in. That was such comforting news. We always think of you all with joy in our hearts. God be with you. Sis. Lois and Bro. Tom Massalsky

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  4. Dear Carol,
    You are both in my prayers, as well as your family. May God give you His amazing strength and comfort in this time.
    Sincerely,
    Amanda Doyle from the AH co-op.

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