Saturday, October 02, 2010
But it was God who shut the doctors' mouths, so that they only told us the risk of death, something we could handle better. The Lord kept them from telling us that he might be on dialysis the rest of his life, or that all his organs would suffer badly from the operation; and it was God that kept them from telling us that over forty percent of valve replacement patients will go into a delirium, and some, especially those who have gone through the sort of problems Bruce has suffered in the previous three months, will never truly be "normal" again.
I tried to tell myself that all things work together for good to them that love God. When Bruce went into a particularly upsetting delirium I tried to remind myself that God was still in control, but, oh, it was so hard. All I could think of was the way Bruce had taken my hand before the operation, and held on to it so tightly, and whispered "I'm scared," and how I tried to remind him that God was in control, and whether he lived or died, it would be a win win situation.
But this wasn't a win win situation! Not the way I saw it from the ICU that day. I wanted my husband back, not some strange looking man with a mixed up brain.
It took a lot of tears and time spent with God before I was willing to, not only accept whatever He allowed, but also to thank him for it. See In Everything Give thanks.
Today, my heart is overflowing with thankfulness. Bruce has not only recovered the use of his kidneys, and heart functions, he has also been steadily recovering the use of his mental abilities. He still struggles a bit with short term memory, but even that is getting better every day.
They tell me that my husband will be in the hospital until almost Christmas, and if that is true I am so thankful that we have a good hospital in Owen Sound where he can get the attention he needs and I can see him every day without having to be away from my home and family. But it wouldn't surprise me too much if he is well enough to come home long before December 25.
When I look back now, I can see why God shut the doctors' mouths. If they had told us of the mental risk Bruce would be facing, I don't believe we would have agreed to the operation, and, from what the heart surgeon told us just before we left his care, if Bruce hadn't had the operation when he did he would be dead by now.
Thank You, thank You, thank You, Lord!!!! Thank You that I still have my husband!
For the Next post see: Spring Storms
For the previous post see: Apology